Found in NYC: SNL Last Skit Before Presidential Election

Look what turned up outside 30 Rockefeller Center on Tuesday after Sandy.
A script remarkably intact given the hurricane’s drenching:
SNL FinalFinal Presidential Election 2012 Skit – L.Micheals eyes only

MYTH ROMNEY – Change You Better Believe In!

Players:
Myth Romney played by Jason Sudeikis sporting a spray tan that brings Myth about one shade darker than Barack Obama.
Bill O’Reilly played by Tarran Killam who is powdered lily white and frankly looking slightly in askance at the over-tanned Myth.
Tagg Romney – played by Bill Hader like a puppy that can’t keep his head still and tongue in his mouth . Tagg has a big
id tag on his neck spelling out Tagg Romney!!

Bill O’Reilly – Myth we are pleased that you could find  time in your busy schedule  to come for an interview on the Fox News O’Reilly Factor. After having  Jon Stewart here  so often it is refreshing to get a fiercely conservative viewpoint on the Show.

Myth – Well, Bill I am glad you people at the Fair and Balanced Fox News decided to right a wrong and let me
get in the Final Word on the Presidential Debates. As you know both Candy Crawley and Bob Schieffer cut me awfully short in the last 2 debates and so I did not get to announce my latest campaign pivot and promise. Hope and Change You Better Believe in from Day One. This  latest policy pivot  is for the 47% percenters  whom Ann and I have graciously adopted in the final 2 weeks of this arduous campaign. Ann is putting up quite a few of them  in one of the  Stables and Outhouses  on one of our estates – I think its in Skunkwater NJ where we keep the Equestrian horses. Did you know that Charity is my middle name? …Or is that Ann’s ?

Bill O. – Myth, closing your campaign on a theme of Change and Hope….isn’t that

Myth interrupts – That is Hope and Change, Bill… Hope and some small  Change..

Bill O. – [grumbling like a bear] … Well Hope and Change, isn’t that a major shift, a new look, and may I say it
a daring move in the final days of your campaign. How and when did your Myth Romney Team come up
with this new  bold and new again policy change?

Myth – Actually, Bill, Tagg and I had this one worked out from the beginning of our Fiercely Conservative days.
[Tagg immediately pops up  with wide grin and lolling tongue – ignored by Myth but Bill O  pushes him down out of sight] For example, we first get Women all worked up and  scared silly under our Fiercely Conservative “no hope for you 47%-ers” if you get raped or are going to die from birth complications. But then, Calvary to the Rescue, our new Hope and Change in the last 2 weeks means we might allow some leeway – Tagg and I have to work it out – no specifics yet.

[Tagg pops up  again swinging his head and tongue every which way – still ignored by Myth]
Bill O. -Go on get away![to Tagg]. No, not you Myth [as Myth is taken aback but still ignoring Tagg]
But Hope and Change can be dangerous. People will want to apply it to everything. Even the Jets winning like the Giants,
How do you manage this Change and Hope …[an evil eye from Myth has Bill reversing immediately] .. uhhh Hope and Change play?

Myth:
 Well Tagg and I have got that one worked out too.
From Day One, the No Congress becomes the Yes, Sir Right-away One.
So we will have them cutting taxes across the Board. This is the Give. Then  a month later comes the Take as we get rid of chunks
of Medicare, Mortgage  Interest Deductions, and Some Social Security benefits that Tagg and I and that Ryan guy will work on. It may be
6 weeks and or a month later when we get our ideas straight,  but the delay allows me to say with Impunity
“from day One I will not raise Middle Class taxes ” And in fact on Day One  I lowered them.
What happens on Day Two or later is not part of my Contract with America. See I am a Bain Capital Business man
.. and I did promise to bring my Bain Business experience to Washington.

Bill O.: [having finally gotten the slobbering Tagg down and off the set] You have got to talk to my boss Roger Ailes, he would be depressed. However, doesnt this open you up to attacks in critical battleground states like Colorado  and Ohio?

Myth: Bill, Bill understand Tagg’s company is counting the votes in Colorado and Ohio – enough said.
[Tagg springs almost onto the table between Myth and Bill O. But after swinging his head between Myth who ignores him
yet again Bill O sweeps Tagg off the table and out of sight again].
Bill O.: Okay Myth, but  Fox News has been a vital supporter of the GOP
and Republican causes everywhere. Hope and Change is a big ticket  for us to swallow. How will you handle tough issues like Hurricane Sandy NOT Being Climate Change  or a new Energy Policy and God Forbid a Foreign Policy Crisis?

Myth: Bill, Bill, Bill, while rubbing Bills hair. Tagg and I have got this covered too.
[Tagg pops up and takes over mussing Bill’s hair]

By Day 1 my 5 point Economic and Policy plan will be down to 3 points.
1)Tax Cuts which have I just announced again;  – Myth uses his forefinger to count it off;
2)Cutbacks which I have not officially announced but I denounce now; –  Myth uses his ring finger to count it off;
3)Outsourcing all the kick-the-can issues to Obama and friends. After all they will be out of work
and I will be able to get them for a song and no benefits. I kinda like Barack’s foreign policy positions and
if he is not available the Hillary woman is always accomodating. As I said
in the last debate I would just duplicate their positions  point by point.
Same for his energy policy. Come to think of it his Climate Change plans
were pretty good until our  Congress sunk em. I might get Congress to have
another look. – Myth uses his Middle finger and wags it around.
Bill O.: Just brilliant, brilliant … and to think Roger and I had our doubts… [almost simultaeously with shoving Tagg
down again.]
Myth: You know I kinda of like Obama. He and I even look alike. If the election were today
I think I would vote for him and Joe…..
But  come Tuesday I promised Ann and Tagg I would vote for Me –  and then he is off singing America the Beautiful and then God Bless America
as Bill O. chimes in  2 part disharmony…. it is so bad that the Tagg dog is aghast, clutching his ears and trying to hoot them down.

Official Notice: This skit/spoof is Open Source
If you like it you can disseminate as many copies as you like to friends and colleagues.
If you want you may add or change any lines as long as you retain the first and last Myth lines.
Funniest ones submitted here will be added to comments.
If you are hankering for more about Myth Romney and his backup group the GOP Extremes –

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